My mom just told me this a few minutes ago (in response to me telling her that I need to take undergraduate classes before I can apply for grad school in English).
"Scott....your biological clock is ticking. Most guys your age are doing it."
SEE! Even my mom is trying to make me feel bad about my virginity. If she's not trying to make me feel bad, then I don't know what she's trying to do. Just WHY would my mother tell me this?
Well, I've never had the heart to tell her this, but she has enormously influenced my decision to abstain. All I have to do is look at her boring and nearly loveless marriage to my father to provide me with all the evidence that I need to make my judgment that "I don't want to be in a relationship like that."
My mom was 19 when she married my dad; he was about 24 or 25. My parents have virtually nothing in common. She is a hardcore Christian and "republican" (I write that word in quotation marks because my mom really doesn't think for herself, but has been heavily influenced by her parents and family, all of whom are HARDCORE republicans...my mom is the type of person who will assimilate others' beliefs and values because it helps her to "fit in." The basis of her existence seems to be driven by a need to "fit in" with others.) and my liberal, nearly agnostic father (he goes to church but only for the social aspects; he recently told me that he would not attend church at all if he didn't enjoy playing in the church band). My mom's family, while not exactly "wealthy", definitely hovers around the upper-middle class economic range, while my dad's family is dirt poor. It is well known to me that my grandparents never liked my father much, and I suspect that much of it has to do with the fact that he doesn't have money. They probably wanted my mom to "marry up", but in their perspective she "married down."
My parents never go out together; I literally do not remember the last time they went out. It was probably at least 15 years ago. I know for a fact that they haven't had sex in the past 15 years or so either, because that is about as long as they have been sleeping in separate beds in separate rooms. They never really talk to each other except about the most mundane things on earth, i.e. what's on Jay Leno or the current trials of the local sports teams. But HOW CAN THEY TALK TO EACH OTHER? As I have already established, they have NEXT TO NOTHING IN COMMON! I have read in psychology text books that there are several fundamental factors to a healthy marriage, and four of those factors are:
1. Similar interests
2. Share the same religious principles.
3. Share the same political ideals.
4. Come from similar backgrounds.
My parents absolutely fail when it comes to those four criteria. Indeed, my mom has been staying over at my relative’s house (aunt and uncle) for an UNSEEMLY amount of time lately. She goes over there EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND. She literally leaves here on Friday night and does not come back until Monday morning. And lately she has even been staying there DURING THE WEEK. I know it's important to see your family and all, but LIVING WITH THEM? Living with them when they are located within the same city and could see them often anyway? Choosing to spend more free time over there than with her husband and son? I guess so. I suppose it's more fun for her.
Perhaps we have a sucky environment for her in our home. As stated above, my parents really aren't the greatest of matches, so maybe she would feel a lot more comfortable over there than staying with the husband whom she shares nothing with and the son who has never been comfortable talking to her and is currently angry at her. (I haven't *told* her that I'm angry with her, exactly).
When I wrote that I was angry at my mom the other day, here's the general gist of why I wrote what I did:
In short, my mom's a poser of the worst order. My aunt and uncle are huge NASCAR fans, and they never miss a race on TV. My mom is NOT by any means a NASCAR fan. Yet she will dress up like a race car driver and go over there on race days and PRETEND to like it just to fit in with them. She must view my relatives as the "in crowd." I know that my aunt is her sister and it's totally ok for my mom to love her, but why must she pretend to like the same things to such a degree? She will go to such lengths to pretend to fit in with my relatives, but she will not make an effort to even ATTEMPT to take a part in the things that matter to me. For example, there have been some movies that I have dearly loved, and I have wanted to share them with my mom because I have wanted us to share *something*, but she will not even make the effort and say that she heard that the movie was bad (even if the movie won all kinds of academy awards). But if my relatives want to watch THE SAME movie, she will hop in to the car right away and go watch it with them.
ARGH! I could go ON AND ON! It is obvious that I have started to sympathize with my dad a bit more as of late. I used to question his unwillingness to do anything with my mom or as a family, but I think that he has realized that he married the wrong woman. I think that he has been withdrawing within himself, and he must feel terribly lonely and almost defeated to have such a marriage.
To be honest, I really wouldn't mind at all if my parents divorced each other. They really should. I'd encourage them all the way.
Why haven't they divorced already? It's probably because of me.
No matter how depressing their marriage is, I don't think that either of them really *wants* a divorce. My mom is very religious, so that's probably the guiding factor on her end. I don't know what keeps my dad in the marriage...probably me, like I said. I think that he's also scared of change in his life; he always follows a routine in his daily life. He has to drive the same route to work even when newer roads open up that would get him there quicker. I think that he has convinced himself that his life can't change. He's resigned himself to the idea that his life sucks and there's nothing that he can do about it.
I have often wondered about just why my parents got married in the first place. After much thought, I have come to the rather obvious conclusion: IT WAS ALL ABOUT SEX!
As I previously wrote, my mother was 19 when she married, my father 24-25. My mom was considerably younger than my dad at the time in both years and maturity (just-out-of-high school versus mid-twenties adult), and we all know that young girls find older guys attractive (something I have experienced much of late, but trust me, I HAVE NOT ACTED UPON IT! EWWWW!) My dad, like all mid-twenties men (or men of any age, really, hehe), was probably feeling excessively horny at the time. Hmmm. "If I play my cards right, I can seduce and marry this young, sexy girl," he must have thought.
So in conclusion, my mom was what I call a Stupid Little Girl* who was attracted to, and married, an older man because it was not only sexually alluring to her at the time, but marriage was also what she was "supposed to do" as a devout Christian woman. She married him without fully thinking of the consequences of what "'till death do you part" really meant. And my father was equally foolish in not thinking about the consequences of marrying someone that you really don't mesh with on a *deep* level, but the prospect of sex was probably too great for him. I do not know if my dad ever had sexual relationships before my mom (maybe...but then again my dad is VERY introverted, so I don't know), but I cannot see what else enticed him to marry her based off of my observations of my parents.
These observations have helped me to form the conclusion that if I marry someone, it must truly be a person that I'd be thrilled to see everyday. When and if I marry, I must have a deep and profound emotional and mental connection with her. They helped me form the conclusion that I must never get in a relationship for sex alone. And most importantly of all, marrying someone only for sex is THE WORST THING THAT ONE CAN DO! Well...I don't know about the worst thing...murdering someone is surely horrible, but you know what I mean. :P
But despite all of their marriage woes, I would have to say that this world is a better place because of it. Know why?
'CAUSE THEY CREATED ME! WONDERFUL ME! I AM THE ÜBERMENSCH!
Ok...maybe I'm not the Übermensch (yet), but damn it, I love me!
* I know that my term "Stupid Little Girl" might seem offensive to some, and I do not know the background on those unfortunate enough to stumble upon my "blog" and read this post, but I want to clarify that I bestow the title "Stupid Little Girl" upon those women whom I deem to be immature. In my mom's case and in similar cases, I think that getting married before one is ready is a sign of immaturity or ignorance. And because I do not want to invoke the wrath of feminists everywhere, I also use the term "Stupid Little Boy" to describe a man who performs the same follies. Indeed, my dad was a "Stupid Little Boy" when he got married, in my opinion. I mean, the man quit college in his senior year to do it!
And because I am *somewhat* self-aware (but I could always stand to be even more so), I admit that there are times when I'm a "Stupid Little Boy" too. TOO MANY times, in fact!
