Shocking revelation
This may seem rather shocking and horrible, but after years of pent-up frustration, I think that I can now finally admit this.
I don't love my parents, nor do I love anyone in my family.
I feel horrible to write that, but it's the truth. I want to love them, all of them. I wish that I did love them. They are not bad people, exactly. I have never been mistreated by them; I've never been abused. They have always provided for me; they bought a saxophone for me when I joined band, and they helped to pay the majority of my way through college (the first time). But despite all that, there is something missing.
I looked up the definition of love, and it states that love is "A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person." I feel none of that for my parents.
Perhaps the reason why I don't love them is because neither one of them will go through the effort to understand who I am. They show no interest in what I am passionate about, and when I try to voice my displeasure about that, they only laugh at me and call me "silly." I don't feel that I can talk to them about anything because I know that they truly don't care to listen.
If these people make no effort to get to know me, how can I feel close to them? I have tried so hard to establish a bond with them, but they won't have it. Sure, they feed me and provide for me (and I HATE IT THAT I'M STILL DEPENDANT ON THEM!), but I feel that is all they do. There is no emotional support. My family has no clue who I really am, and if they did, they'd probably disown me for being an agnostic liberal. So I have to pretend to be someone else all the time, and I hate it.
I have no clue why my parents have done so many good things for me, like bring me into the world and make my life physically comfortable when they don't care to make an emotional connection. Maybe they love the idea of having a kid more than their actual offspring himself.
I don't love my parents, nor do I love anyone in my family.
I feel horrible to write that, but it's the truth. I want to love them, all of them. I wish that I did love them. They are not bad people, exactly. I have never been mistreated by them; I've never been abused. They have always provided for me; they bought a saxophone for me when I joined band, and they helped to pay the majority of my way through college (the first time). But despite all that, there is something missing.
I looked up the definition of love, and it states that love is "A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person." I feel none of that for my parents.
Perhaps the reason why I don't love them is because neither one of them will go through the effort to understand who I am. They show no interest in what I am passionate about, and when I try to voice my displeasure about that, they only laugh at me and call me "silly." I don't feel that I can talk to them about anything because I know that they truly don't care to listen.
If these people make no effort to get to know me, how can I feel close to them? I have tried so hard to establish a bond with them, but they won't have it. Sure, they feed me and provide for me (and I HATE IT THAT I'M STILL DEPENDANT ON THEM!), but I feel that is all they do. There is no emotional support. My family has no clue who I really am, and if they did, they'd probably disown me for being an agnostic liberal. So I have to pretend to be someone else all the time, and I hate it.
I have no clue why my parents have done so many good things for me, like bring me into the world and make my life physically comfortable when they don't care to make an emotional connection. Maybe they love the idea of having a kid more than their actual offspring himself.
How old are you? You sound like a pouting teenager! I think you should consider that the definition of love you have there is kind of romantic and narrow. Look how your parents have supported you physically and that will, in itself, tell you that they love you. And can you not love them because they "don't understand me" ?(Whine, whine). Oh brother.
I don't like writing negative comments, but you need a kick in the bum.
Posted by
anonymous jones |
6:50 PM
Hahaha, I was under the impression that nobody reads this blog, so I am quite surprised to actually get a comment to this.
Maybe I should clear something up: this post was written right after a spat with my mom. She was being insincere to me at the time, so I wrote what I did in "retaliation" of sorts. It helped me to cope with the situation, twisted as it sounds.
So in my defense, I argue that what I wrote is not an accurate representation of what I feel most of the time, but rather what I thought that I felt at the moment that I wrote it. I do retract what I said about not loving my family: I saw my grandmother today, and she is rapidly aging and is generally wary of life now, and I know in my heart that I shall not have much more time with her. At that moment of realization, I definitely felt "love" for her. I even spontaneously hugged her, which is something that I RARELY do (I'm generally not a touchy-feely person).
I'm sorry that I portrayed myself to be an extremely whiny person, and I admit that can be among my most grievous of character flaws. I do thank you, however, for writing what you did, because constructive criticism can only help in the long run, even if it is rather hard to face sometimes.
I regret to write that I will not reveal my age on here (at least right now), because I want readers to put greater emphasis on what I write rather than who is writing it.
Perhaps I wrote what I did because I really want to connect with my parents. But I find it difficult for a variety of reasons. And perhaps I really don't know what I feel at any given time. If there is any constant in myself, it is that I am a very confused person. It's both a blessing and a curse!
I'd love to get a good ass-kicking! You're right...I DO need one! Do you ever watch The Simpsons? I ask because your profile says that you are from Australia, so why don't you give me the huge metaphoric boot! Hahaha.
Posted by
Chauntecleer |
9:30 PM